You've been this way since school   Dysfunctional, translucent   Royalty on your wall   So desperately mundane      They're inbred, baby, just like you   But you'd love the chance to eat their food   Even though it has been chewed      Royal correspondent   Sad and lonely   Royal correspondent   Kills her daily      Dream of the Daily Mail   It is the Holy Grail   Then the BBC   Your life would be complete      Build a fountain, wash away the poor   Just as long as your motives are pure   Hold on tight or you just might lose her      Royal correspondent   Wears their Sunday best   Royal correspondent   Smarter than the rest      Royal correspondent   Smarter than the rest   Royal correspondent   Smarter than the rest      Royal correspondent   Smarter than the rest   Royal correspondent   Smarter than the rest   Smarter than the rest