JOANNE  Mark?  MARK  Hi.  JOANNE  I told her not to call you  MARK  That's Maureen  But can I help since I'm here  JOANNE  I hired and engineer. . .  MARK  Great!  Well, nice to have met you  JOANNE  Wait!  She's three hours late  The samples won't delay  But the cable -  MARK  There's another way  Say something - Anything  JOANNE  Test - One, two, three. . .  MARK  Anything but that  JOANNE  This is weird  MARK  It's weird  JOANNE  Very weird  MARK  Fuckin' weird  JOANNE  I'm so mad  That I don't know what to do  Fighting with microphones  Freezing down to my bones  And to top it all off  I'm with you  MARK  Feel like going insane?  Got a fire in your brain?  And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?  JOANNE  As a matter of fact -  MARK  Honey, I know the act  It's called, the 'Tango Maureen'  The Tango Maureen  It's a dark, dizzy  merry-go-round  As she keeps you dangling  JOANNE  You're wrong  MARK  Your heart she is mangling  JOANNE  It's different with me  MARK  And you toss and you turn  'Cause her cold eyes can burn  Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound  JOANNE  I think I know what you mean  BOTH  The Tango Maureen  MARK  Has she ever  Pouted her lips  And called you 'Pookie'  JOANNE  Never  MARK  Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?  JOANNE  This is spooky  Did you swoon  When she walked through the door?  MARK  Every time - so be cautious  JOANNE  Did she moon over other boys--?  MARK  More than moon--  JOANNE  I'm getting nauseous  MARK  It's hard to do this backwards.  JOANNE  You should try it in heels!  She cheated  MARK  She cheated  JOANNE  Maureen cheated  MARK  Fuckin' cheated  JOANNE  I'm defeated  I should give up right now  MARK  Gotta loko on the bright side  With all of your might  JOANNE  I'd fall for her still anyhow  BOTH  When you're dancing her dance  You don't stand a chance  Her grip of romance  Makes you fall  MARK  So you think, 'might as well'  JOANNE  'Dance the Tango to Hell'  BOTH  'At least I'll have Tangoed at all'  The tango Maureen  Gotta dance til your diva is through  You pretend to believe her  Cause in the end - you can't leave her  But the end it wil come  Still you have to play dumb  Til you're glum and you bum  And turn blue  MARK  Why do we love when she's mean?  JOANNE  And she can be so obscene  MARK  Try the mike  JOANNE  My Maureen (een, een, een. . .)  MARK  Patched  JOANNE  Thanks  MARK  You know - I feel great now!  JOANNE  I feel lousy  BOTH  The Tango: Maureen!