I always thought my movie    Would be a comedy    Not quite the tragedy that its become    More slapstick than chickflick    More 'Caddyshack' than 'Breakfast At Tiffany's'    So, thank me at the podium    For a lifetime of contribution    Turn on the cameras    Someone cue the extras    Hair and makeup to the set       Because the big screen's callin    Final casting call    It's your big shot baby you're the next big star    On another stupid movie    'bout a guy with a broken heart    Is fallin apart    You're headed for the cutting room floor    And in the sequel honey    I'm the guy who gets the girl       So if you miss my movie    Get the DVD    Check out the chemistry    Between you and me    Less 'Raising Arizona'    More 'Steel Magnolias'    So when you walk down that red carpet    I hope you trip and fall    I hope someone squirts you with a watergun    A super soaker filled with pee       Because the big screen's callin    Final casting call    It's your big shot baby you're the next big star    On another stupid movie    About a guy with a broken heart    Is fallin apart    You're headed for the cutting room floor    And in the sequel honey    I'm the guy who gets the girl       All apologies    To Kevin Costner    and that chick from 'Monster'    Give me Adam Sandler,    Will Ferrell, Belushi and even Val Kilmer    He was funny in 'Real Genius'       ~Greg~    What about 'Top Gun'?    ~Jaret~    No, 'Top Gun' wasn't funny    ~Greg~    Whatever       'Top Secret' was funny too    But he sucked at 'Batman'       Because the big screen's callin    Final casting call    It's your big shot baby you're the next big star    On another stupid movie    About a guy with a broken heart    Is fallin apart    You're headed for the cutting room floor    And in the sequel honey    I'm the guy who gets the girl