When I was just a child   Before I would turn out the light   I kneeled beside my bed and say my prayers every night      Asked God to keep me safe   And keep everything alright   Then I'd be real still and quiet until I could hear his reply      And God said wash your hands   Or your family will die   And grandpa will get cancer   If you don't touch the stove three times   Your dog will run away   If you ever tell a lie      Nobody understands   When God says wash your hands   When God says wash your hands   God says wash your hands      Now as the years went by   God stood by me through the thin and thick   Though it seems that with his age   The good Lord's gone a tad eccentric      Why I need to save my pee   I don't understand a lick   But it's better I bet than to live with regret   So I guess I better do it      Cause God said stay inside   Or get flesh-eating disease   I'll totally make some kid retarded   If you don't throw salt when you sneeze      And you'll never get to heaven   Unless you kill Bill Bellamy   Nobody understands   When God says wash your hands   Nobody understands   When God says wash your hands   And I hope that it's all wrong   Cause God said 'Don't sing this song'   And I hope that it's all wrong   Cause God said 'Don't sing this song'