(Shel Silverstein)      Well, now friends you'd never guess it so I really must confess it   I just met the sweetest woman of my long dismal life   But a friend of mine said buddy just in case your mind is muddy   Don't you know that girl you're fooling with is Peg-Leg Johnson's wife   And that man is hard and cold and mean and grim   And he'll catch you and he'll brain you with his artificial limb.      But next morning bright and early I stole old Peg-Leg's girlie   And I also took his wooden leg just to play it safe   But there weren't no time for laughter cause he started hopping after   And I keep on running faster but he won't give up the chase   And I'm running through the mountains with his bride   And I got his wooden leg here by my side.      I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman   Being chased across country by a one-legged fool   Though he's hoppin' and he's clappin' and he shows no sign of stoppin'   I tell you boys this life is hard and cruel.      Through the deserts and the valleys and those dark Chicago alleys   Cross the muddy Mississippi to the hills of Caroline   Through the mountains of Montana and the swamps of Louisiana   Each time that I look back he's just about one foot behind   And I know he must be cold and wet and sick   But in spite of all his troubles he can kick.      Oh, he's ragged and he's filthy and I'm feeling kinda guilty   Specially in the evenings when I hear him plead and beg   He says in spite of all your stealing friend I bear you no hard feelings   You can keep that damned old woman but please give me back my leg   'Cause old friend I know you think you took my wooden leg   But in the dark you made a mistake you took my good leg.      I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman   Being chased across country by a one-legged fool   Though he's hoppin' and he's clappin' and he shows no sign of stoppin'   I tell you boys this life is hard and cruel.      I tell you boys this life is hard and cruel...