I gave you a flower    He gave you a whole bunch   He cut you a diamond   I cut you your lunch      I read you a pamphlet    He wrote her a whole book   He paid them both to the movies    I stole you a look      I cannot win    Since the day we watched them move in      Another sick joke    At my expense    But you can't live your life    With one eye over the fence      So I wrote you this song   She got an operatic medley   He bought her a car    I doubled you on my treadly      I can't compete   Since they moved to our street      I candidly took your photo   But it came out a blur   In their hall hangs a portrait   He had commissioned for her      And on Valentine's Day   What was I to do   She got a ninety verse sonnet    I struggled with a haiku      Makes me see red   But I still couldn't wish them both dead      I'm gonna fail   What if I fail   He's gonna fail   He could possibly fail   He could possibly fail   He's gonna fail