I love women but I'm thinking of giving in   I love women but what's the point of arguing   With the men from boarding schools and building sites   Who've told me I'm a homosexual all my life      One stop past Embankment and the coughs begin   Hell hath no fury like an insecure Englishman   You don't need psychoanalysts to translate this   'There is an open homosexual in our midst'      'The Homosexual' they call me   It's all the same to me   That spectre they projected I will now pretend to be   Since their neurosis is what passes for normality   It's okay with me if I'm queer   Since their tone-deafness is called the love of music   I won't disabuse them   I'll make love with their women   I'll make them sing notes of pleasure   Their husbands will never hear      I love women but I take them by surprise   Pretending absolute indifference to their breasts and thighs   Like their hairdressers and dressmakers I hear confessionals   Reserved for homosexual professionals      As I put their feet in stirrups with my limp wrist   (A trick I learned from a homosexual gynaecologist)   I recall the words my first girlfriend ended our first date with   "I feel privileged you chose me to go straight with"      'The Homosexual' they call me   It's all the same to me   That spectre they projected I will now pretend to be   Since their neurosis is what passes for normality   It's okay with me if I'm queer   Since their tone-deafness is called the love of music   I won't disabuse them   I'll make love with their women   I'll make them sing notes of pleasure   Their husbands will never hear      You who called me shirt-lifter in Chemistry class   You who sniggered "look out for your arse"   Now your women wash your shirts, now your kids are born, baby, look out for your horns      You who called me teapot, who plagued me with your bile   Guess who I've got coming to the boil   Why not grab the nettle I'll settle for being the kettle if you're the pot   I take my tea like my revenge: sweet and hot      'The Homosexual' they call me   It's all the same to me   That spectre they projected I will now pretend to be   Since their neurosis is what passes for normality   It's okay with me if I'm queer   Since their tone-deafness is called the love of music   I won't disabuse them   I'll make love with their women   I'll make them sing notes of pleasure   Their husbands will never hear      'The Homosexual' you call me   It's all the same to me   That spectre you projected I will now pretend to be   Since your neurosis is what passes for normality   It's okay with me if I'm queer   Since your tone-deafness is called the love of music   I won't disabuse you   I'll make love with your women   I'll make them sing notes of pleasure   That you will never hear   Never in a million years   No fucking fear