Can I introduce myself    I'm a man of panache and wealth   Sound in mind, body, soul and health    Why I wanna kill my wife   I have the urge to take her life      Been planing for years to get rid of her   Not divorce I really do mean to kill her   She's so full of useless information and trivia   That's why I wanna kill my wife    I have a duty to take her life      Her stupid friends get right up my nose   They all wear annoyingly sensible clothes   They're all so bleeding grandiose,   You know why I should kill her friends   They're all driving Mercedes Benz.      He'll escape down into Mexico   Sell the house and find a nice young girl   He'll laugh and sing and he won't work anymore.      Should I string her up or strangle her in bed   Suffocate that little venomous head   Or perhaps I'll just whip her to death   Listen do me a favor kill my wife      Do it for mankind take her life   Or should I act quite cold and deliberate   Or maybe blow out her brains with a bullet   They'll think suicide they won't know who done it   I'm gonna kill my wife I'm really gonna take her life.      He'll escape down into Mexico   Sell the house and find a nice young girl   He'll laugh and sing and he won't work anymore      The moment of truth has come   I'm at the point of no return   I've got my hands locked round her throat   I'm about to kill my wife    Don't stop me now I'm gonna take her life      Too late now I'm gonna kill my wife   Can't help myself I'm gonna take her life      Telephone rang and he woke from his sleep   His wife snoring soundly next to him    It was all a very nasty dream