sick of being sick and sucking the disease.   a longing for longer than just temporary, because it's   contaminating.   and I want to tell the truth...I'm not doing so well. how do I   save myself?   it feels like I'm lost in the climate of lonely apartment life.      this way, i can't be who you want to be.   and this way, i can't be who i really am.    but i am trying.      (deal with what you have and what you'll have left, because   there is no such thing as a fresh start).      i am no good at being around. i am no good at being alive.   but I am trying.