I was there on the day that you died   And I'm the only one here as they bury your hide   And this is the last time I'll be by your side   the world is one soul fewer   The preacher says the last rites so well   Says you're going to heaven and not to Hell   But he has to say that and I know damn well   That you're Satan bound      If you go to Hell   would you get me something nice   Maybe a T-Shirt or maybe a hat   or maybe some loaded dice   If you go to Hell   would you at least send me a card   so I know how you're doing   and I know where you are      You never did care   what the others did think   And you never did care   how much you did drink   And I've got a feeling   that now that you're dead   You won't even remember my name   I used to write and you'd never write back   I'd call on my card and you'd call me collect   You never bought gifts and you never left tips   But it's never too late for a change      Go to Hell you bastard   Live painfully ever after   You'll burn for all eternity   No one rides for free      There's only one way   to escape Satan's flames   If you're willing to pay   to clear you bad name   This is the place and now is the time   So come on give me a sign      You'll burn for all eternity   And save a seat for me