She said it's not drug abuse,   They're diet pills, was her excuse   Nobody wants a woman with a big caboose.   (You must forgive your mom)      She cleaned the house in half an hour,   Mildew didn't have a chance in the shower   My mom was always higher than the ol' Sears Tower   (Responsibility that sickens your heart)      Ooh-ooh-ooh-oooh-ooh   My mom was no fat broad...   Ooh-ooh-ooh-oooh-ooh   My mom was no fat broad...      She tied the tubing for a bulging vein,   Hit that mainer then she sped away   Like the white tornado of Avenue A   (Your mother was very unhappy)      Ooh-ooh-ooh-oooh-ooh   My mom was no fat broad...   Ooh-ooh-ooh-oooh-ooh   My mom was no fat broad...      Oompah doompah doompah doompah-dee doo...      Fear of bulbous rollin' round   Lookin' like Augustus Gloop   It's the runway model vogue   That made my momma swallow you   My momma's little helpers got her mind crazy, singin' the blues      She kept her stash on top of the fridge,   I tried to flush it down the toilet one time I was six   I still remember the fit that she pitched   My mom was not fat!   (...She was nuts.)      They took the gurney down the stairs,   and the policeman said   That I could ride with him in his front seat   He said, "My little man, your mom is at peace."      My momma was no fat   Momma was no fat   Mom...   My mom was no fat broad,   My mom was no fat broad...