Couple of guys sittin' around drinkin'   Down at the Starlight Bar   One of 'em says, "You know I've been thinking"   Other one says, "That won't get you too far"   He says, "This is your life, and welcome to it   It's just workin' and drinkin' and dreams   Ad on TV says ‘Just Do It’   Hell if I know what that means"      The secret of life is a good cup of coffee   The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball   The secret of life is a beautiful woman   And Marilyn stares down from the barroom wall      "You and me, we're just a couple of zeros   Just a couple of down-and-outs   But movie stars and football heroes   What have they got to be unhappy about?"   So they turn to the bartender, "Sam, what do you think?   What's the key that unlocks that door?"   Sam don't say nothin', just wipes off the bar   And he pours them a couple more      'Cause the secret of life is in Sam's martinis   The secret of life is in Marilyn's eyes   The secret of life is in Monday Night Football   Rolling Stones records and Mom's apple pie      Sam looks up from his Sunday paper   Says, "Boys, you're on the wrong track   The secret of life is there ain't no secret   And you don't get your money back"   Hey      The secret of life is gettin’ up early   The secret of life is stayin' up late   The secret of life is try not to hurry   But don't wait   Don't wait      The secret of life is a good cup of coffee   The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball   The secret of life is to find the right woman   The secret of life is nothin' at all   Oh, it's nothin' at all   The secret of life      Couple of guys sittin' around drinkin'   Down at the Starlight Bar   One of 'em says, "You know I've been thinking"   Other one says, "That won't get you too far"   "That won't get you too far"