A friend of mine calls all online interactions ?cyber-real?, meaning that while the emotions feel real, they are based on fantasy. Everything we do here is filtered through our own desires of what we want and hope for. We can't really know much about the other person we are interacting with beyond what they have told us or put on their profile. All that information could be false. The 23 year old bisexual hottie with amazing, amateur looking pics, might really be a 12 year old girl or boy or a 67 year old man with no prostate. How can we really know? Hey, I might really be that 12 year old or that 67 year old. How would you really ever know?



I have been caught up in this emotional dilemma myself. I have made some truly wonderful connections in Red Light Center. Some are only pure lust. Some are just for laughs. But, some feel like so much more. Some of these women have touched me, my heart, in ways I didn't suspect would be possible. The personal things we have shared, besides the smoking hot sexual fantasies, have felt so personal, and true, and honest. I have developed some big crushes. Maybe even feel love towards a few of these women. Some have told me they feel that way about me. I have literally sat at my computer, crying at the things I read, or felt. Sometimes I sit there, shaking, in the afterglow of mind crushing orgasms.

These wonderful women have opened me up sexually, and I have done things to myself I never would have dreamed possible from looking at text and pictures on a screen. I have been told I have persuaded a few women to do the same to themselves.

Sometimes I feel ashamed at the things I have done, legs spread, in front of my computer. Doing things I don't think I could ever do in front of someone. Other times, I am simply amazed. And at other times, I feel like, this has opened up a whole new world for me, a new world of possibilities in my real life. I sometimes worry though that, in my ?in the flesh? life could never live up to the cyber life I am having on Red Light Center. I have much stronger orgasms while on Red Light Center than I have ever had with a real life partner. That is a bit scary.

But I have to keep reminding myself, THIS IS JUST A GAME. It's a place to come and play and live out fantasies that I have not (yet) and can not (yet) experience in my real life. But, these emotions feel so?real. I guess, they ARE real emotions. But, are they directed at?unreal people? Made up identities? Figments of someone's imagination?

Should that matter? Love is love. Sex is sex. Caring is caring. If I am being emotionally honest, that is all that should matter. And I am going to take everyone else here at face value and believe they are who they say they are. I am going to take in all the good, and ignore all the bad and continue to have fun here and feel what I am feeling.

And I will keep reminding myself, this is just a game. This is just a game. This is just a game.

My sanity is very important to me. LMAO!