Be Gentle

It is best to be very gentle while breaking the news to the children. Any outburst on the part of a parent may confuse and scare the children. They may not understand what is happening or why, or the causes behind it. They may start feeling as if they have done something bad or that mommy or daddy will leave them forever. Scaring the children through an outburst will not solve any problem but it will definitely compound the problems for all parties involved -- be it the divorcing couple or their children. Thus, it is of vital importance that the news is broken as gently as possible so that children are able to cope with the initial shock without any possibility of a long-term damage to their emotional selves. Their age and the overall family environment must be taken into consideration.

Direct TalkM

While breaking the news to the children it is best to be upfront and straightforward. Talking in circles may simply complicate the matters. Children may not be able to comprehend the reality of what is taking place. Depending upon their age, they may react differently to the news.

One must keep in mind that his or her own emotional self is already on an emotional roller coaster. While dealing with all the varied issues relating to divorce such as the legal and emotional ones, one may not feel capable of handling this alone.

Come what may a direct-to-the-point talk on the subject, if done gently, will be the best way to break the news. All this does not mean blurting out everything in one single sitting. One must remember that gentleness is the main keyword in this issue.

The best way to inform the children is to ?gently? start giving hints over a period of several weeks. One has to be slow so that the children are able to register the changes of the unfolding scenario. Any rushed up effort to inform the children may, as already stated, lead to immense emotional turbulence and the children may be adversely affected and, in fact, it may make handling of their emotional selves very difficult for the parent.

Having taken the decision to divorce, one must buckle up and be ready for the worst case scenario. Yet, nevertheless, everything need not turn out to be as bad as initially apprehended by the parent. There are ways to deal with any given situation and it is up to us as to which way we choose.

Children's Reactions

Having broken the initial news, one has to, irrespective of the difficulties involved, sit back and cautiously and carefully watch out for the reaction from the children. As already stated, children of different age groups will react differently to the news.

• Frustration: Children may get angry and frustrated as the news of divorce is broken out to them. They must not turn isolationist in such a scenario.



• Depression: If the child feels as if the world around him is shattering to smithereens, he or she may turn depressive and this will again have a very negative impact on his or her personality. They may start becoming moody, forget how to smile and begin withdrawing from the world at large. Such an attitude can give rise to multiple personality disorders later on in life. Hence the same should be checked at the earliest and nipped in the bud.



• Insecurity: A child may start harbouring feelings of insecurity. He or she may feel as if in some way he or she is being abandoned. This in itself will give rise to numerous other emotional reactions, the meaning of which a child may fail to comprehend. Thus, it is an absolute necessity that as far as possible, the child should be told in clear terms that neither of the parents is abandoning him or her. That means though they are moving apart, both parents are still there for their children.



• Panic Reactions: Smaller children may panic and start crying. They may resort to bed-wetting and be difficult to console. After all, for them it is the prospect of losing either one of their parents, as they see it. It is important that appropriate professional help be taken in such a scenario.

Therefore, one must ensure that as and when the news of parental divorce is spilled out to children, the same must not be construed by them as translating into either parental loss or economic loss of any kind. It must not lead to more life stress and poor parental adjustment for the family undergoing this trauma.

All one can say in the very end is that such a news should be given as gently as possible, but firmly explaining the irrevocability of the same and that the news should not be given in an indirect manner, instead one should be as forthright as is possible.

Children being gentle, their reactions must be monitored and taken into account and they must be helped by both the parents to come to terms with what the future holds out for them.