I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane    With a rabid wolverine in my underwear    When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat    Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes    I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?    Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?    Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?"    I probably would have kept on guessing    But about that time we crashed into the truck    And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt    Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer    Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me      Everything you know is wrong    Black is white, up is down and short is long    And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter    Everything you know is wrong    Just forget the words and sing along    All you need to understand is    Everything you know is wrong       I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams    When I accidentally stepped into a alternate dimension    And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space    Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr    They sucked out my internal organs    And they took some polaroids and said I was a darn good sport    And as a way of saying thank you    They offered to transport me back to any point in history that I would care to go    And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night    So I could pay my phone bill on time    Just then the floating disembodied head of Colonel Sanders started yelling       Everything you know is wrong    Black is white, up is down and short is long    And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter    Everything you know is wrong    Just forget the words and sing along    All you need to understand is    Everything you know is wrong       I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin    When I got a nasty paper cut    And, well, to make a long story short    It got infected and I died    So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter by the pearly gates    And it's obvious he doesn't like the Nehru jacket that I'm wearing    He tells me that they've got a dress code    Well, he lets me into heaven anyway    But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity    And every day he runs by screaming       Everything you know is wrong    Black is white, up is down and short is long    And everything you used to think was so important doesn't really matter anymore because the simple fact remains that   Everything you know is wrong    Just forget the words and sing along    All you need to understand is    Everything you know is wrong