Well, I wuz in this   Police station   Bein' booked for   Garlic breath   In the corner was a cripple   They wuz kickin' him to death   From a cell somewhere I heard   This woman scream   "You're hurtin' me""   On the wall there wuz   This poster   "Holy name society"...   Oh --   I wuz in this courtroom   'Cause I had a fight   With my own wife   Law 'n order wuz so thick   You could cut it with a knife   While this landlord   Made a pay-off so they'd   De-control his slum   Hizzoner told   Some Puerto Rican   "In my court you don't   Chew gum"   Oh --   Don't nobody move   This is a heist   Don't nobody move   This is a heist   Well, she wuz standin' on the   Corner   When this dude asked her   The price   She said “me?" he said   "Take it --   Buy yourself somethin' nice"   Soon as he got off   'N while she still wuz   Squattin' on her heels   He produced   A pair of handcuffs   An' a very shiny shield.   Oh --   They wuz towin' me away   Cuz I don't have   Diplomat plates   While this diplomat I know   Is smugglin' "H"   Into the states   I said "lemmee have   The ticket 'n the car –   Save me a trip"   So they hauled me in   For giving them   Some Noo Yawk lefty lip   Oh –   Don't nobody move   This is a heist   Don't nobody move   This is a heist   I wuz underneath my dresser   Just in case of sneak attack   When this television   Quiz show called   To ask where I wuz at   I said "I'm underneath   My dresser --   An' they're   Poundin' on my door"   The audience went wild   'N the emcee said   "Would you like   To try for more?"   Yes--   Yes I would!   Well, I wuz drivin' down   The highway   An' I did not have the toll   So they gave me   The electric chair   (Cured my cold)   Well, I woke up feelin'   Hungry an' I asked for   Somethin' hot   So they gave me   The electric chair again   'N then they had me shot...   Oh --