I want to have a stalker someday   Someone to follow me all around   And never go away   And even though I know   I wouldn’t have any privacy   We could sit around all day   And talk about me   Like Joey Butafuco had Amy Fisher   And Yoda had Luke Skywalker   I want to have a stalker   I want to have a stalker      Well maybe she’s delusional or obsessed   Or has a psychological disease   But everyone’s entitled   To idiosyncrasies   Or maybe she’s peaking in my window   Or in my backyard behind a tree   And If I saw her I’d say “Hey come on in   And lets watch TV.”   Well Apollo chased a wood nymph in mythology   And John Hinckley was a real sweat talker   I want to have a stalker   I want to have a stalker      Cause right now I’m kind of sad and kind of lonely   And I know that she would think about me only   If I got crank phone calls I’d just try to call her back   I’d hire a private investigator to find out where she’s at   I want to have a stalker   I want to have a stalker      Stalk me.