Brockman: Live from Radio City Music Room in downtown Springfield, it's   "The Simpson Family Smile-Time Variety Hour!"   Featuring the Waylon Smithers dancers...   ... and the Springfield Baggy-Pants Players ...   ... and now, a family that doesn't know the meaning of the   word, "cancelled," the Simpsons!   Family: [singing] Come along and bring the family,   Come along and join the fun,   Come along and join the family   Join the family ... Simpson!   Roll Call!   Marge: Remember me, my name is Marge,   The TV mom whose hair is large!   Bart: Step back, mom, it's Bart's turn now!   Eat my shorts, don't have a cow!   "Lisa": I'm Lisa, peppy, blonde, and stunning!   Sophomore prom queen five years running!   Go-o-o-o, Lisa!   Bart: [Talking] Wait a minute, whoa, whoa. Stop the music.   Where's dad?   "Lisa": Here he is!   Homer: I'm hiding from the-the-the-the ghost!   Marge: Ghost? What ghost?   Homer: B-b-before the show you said we were having a special ghost   tonight.   Marge: I said we were having a special _guest_ tonight -- Mr. Tim   Conway!   Homer: What's a Tim Conway?   Conway: Oh, about 120 pounds.   Family: [singing] It's the Simpsons Family   Smile Time Variety   Hooooour!      Marge: Inflation, trade deficits, horrible war atrocities ... how   are we supposed to do our big musical number with so many   problems in the world?   Homer: Well, I know one thing in this world that's still pure and   good.   Marge: Christian love?   Homer: No. Candy! [climbs on table] Sweet, sweet, candy!   [the orchestra strikes up the "I Want Candy" tune]   Homer: [singing] I want candy!   Marge: But don't you want to end world famine?   Bart: I want candy!   Marge: Or save the endangered Alaskan salmon?   "Lisa": I want candy!   Marge: Well if you won't think of society's ills ...   H + B + L: [singing] I want candy!   Marge: At least, think of our dentist bills.