I have this problem with my toe  And so I call my HMO  With a referral from  My primary care physician  They say my call matters to them  They’re like an old and trusted friend  Except friends don’t make you ask  Them for permission  The recording on the phone  Says Leave a message at the tone  Tell us your name, your age,  Your reason for submission  So I describe my nail ingrown,  Wax poetic on the phone  This is a metaphor  For the whole human condition  Tender  Sensitive  Painful    And now I’m listening to Brahms  (music to keep the caller calm),  Starting to see things from  The stockholder’s perspective    Should I stop thinking of myself  While they are managing my health?  While an accountant finds a treatment  That’s cost-effective    Hallelujah, I rejoice!  Is this a living human voice  talking to me  Like I’m a sweet, annoying female  I plead my best bureaucratese  I would be down upon my knees  ‘Cept I’d be leaning  on this poor, throbbing toenail  Painful  Purple  Festering    As for my coverage, they say no  This is a pre-existing toe  My policy excludes  All things pre-existing  So if I want the claim approved  The toe will have to be removed  Which they believe may keep  The problem from persisting  This makes my doctor quite irate  Why should he have to amputate?  In his opinion this condition could  Be better handled  And as for me—I don’t nkow  I’d kinda like to keep the toe  I spent a fortune on these  Gorgeous Gucci sandals  Sexy  Size 6  Retail    I have been waiting patiently  Why aren’t you listening to me?  Can't you see that it's  Trying my endurance  I’m only asking to be heard  Hostage is such an ugly word  I would much prefer  Living Health Insurance  I want the orthopedic shoe  I want the Prozac® approved, too  Managed care is managing  To make me hostile  You've put me off far too long  I'll fix your ass; I'll write a song   About a nine-toed woman  Who goes postal  Crazy  Uzi  Bell tower