Should auld acquaintance be forgot  and never brought to mind  should auld acquaintance be forgot  hey everybody, it’s rapture time  I was staring at the clouds from a 747  when I saw that there were thousands  getting sucked up into heaven  and I knew that Armageddon time was nigh  when the Captain said,  "on your right there’s Mother Teresa floating by"  Oh, I could here the passengers behind me start to cheer  when he said, "looks like the whole non-smoking section’s disappeared.  But don’t you fear, even though I’m outta here  you’ve still got the navigator    He’ll stay with the rest of you fornicators and atheists,  insurance salesmen and bigamists,  and certain televangelists and such  and by the way, thanks for flying with us"    Chorus:  Well it’s one of those days  all of my friends are getting raptured  Taken away from their RV’s and their pick-up trucks  by a heavenly Electrolux on super suck  and I’m stuck here in sinners company  Jimmy Swaggart, my mother-in-law and me    Driving home from the airport  the highways were all clear  except for cars with NRA bumper stickers on the rear  I pulled into a burger joint  Gave my order to a sweet blonde who said,  "Would you like some fries with that?"  Zoop she was gone  I finally made it home  I couldn’t take it anymore  when I saw my friend the Jehovah’s Witness  who preaches at my door  He was rising higher and higher saying,  "What do you think about that?  Na na na na na...Thupt!  and I heard...splat!    Chorus:  Well it’s one of those days  all of my friends are getting raptured  Taken away from their RV’s and their pick-up trucks  by a heavenly Electrolux on super suck  and I’m stuck here in sinners company  Madonna, my mother-in-law and me    Now’s the time to fear the most  Armageddon’s getting close  When you hear the Holy Ghost  Who you gonna call, Ghostbusters?    I went to see a friend of mine,  the one who drives a Ford  with the little sign on the window  "Holy rolling with the Lord"  well, she hadn’t yet been raptured  and it made her real upset  she’d been counting on not paying her American Express  She sat poised like a debutante  waiting for a date  and when she finally did get raptured she cried  "Jesus you’re late"  Me, well I was staying  I said, "Hey what I do wrong?"  when a voice from up above said,  "You’re the schmuck who wrote this song"    Chorus:  Well it’s one of those days  all of my friends are getting raptured  Taken away from their RV’s and their pick-up trucks  by a heavenly Electrolux on super suck  and I’ mstuck here in sinners company  Rush Limbaugh, my mother-in-law and me  and you sitting there  you missed the rapture too  Happy new year