Everyone knows marijuana's dangerous   And medical pot is really strong   That's why it's so hard in California   To get your weed card   Unless something's really wrong   Gonna pay a visit to my doctor   It's a long shot but I gotta try   She hands me a list of all the ailments   I can have to qualify   Can't believe what I am reading   This is just what I've been needing   A government supply   To get legally high      Weed card, that's what I need   Hardly ever, okay, always   But it's not an addiction   'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription      You can get your card for having headaches, bad dreams or anxiety   Propensity for drugs or alcohol, anorexia or obesity   Too fat, too thin, either way you win   Carpal tunnel syndrome, color blindness   St-st-stuttering, t-t-tooth decay   Fatigue, depression, motion sickness   Impotence or TMJ   You can smoke to quit cigarettes   For asthma or motherfucking Tourette's   It's a dream come true   There's nothing pot can't do      Weed card, that's what I need   Hardly ever, okay, always   But it's not an addiction   'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription      Got back pain, need Mary Jane   Can't handle this, need cannabis   Got a stomach ache, gotta wake and bake   Have an injury, need TCH   Get fucked up for your hyperhydrosis   Which is sweaty palms in case you need a diagnosis   It's not a crime, it's 420 time      Weed card, that's what I need   Hardly ever, okay, always   But it's not an addiction   'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription