The bottom feels so much better than the top   So much better      Nan, you're a window shopper   Taking a look   But you never buy   Nan, you're a window shopper   You won't pick it up   If it's over a fiver   Nan, you're a window shopper   Get on the bus   'Cause you still can't drive   Nan, you're a window shopper   Mad as fuck   Only just alive      You get up in the morning   And you like your tea milky   You stumble for your glasses   'Cause without 'em you can't see   It's funny how I come around your house   And I'm twenty and I still have to wear   All the presents you sent me   I walk into your kitchen   Everything's got a label   You've done your Christmas shopping   And we're only in April   And you won't leave your house   Unless you're wearing your thermals   You've covered all in cat hair   And you're stinking like Strepsils      You're headed down the bowls club   Have another orange squash   Fools are rolling, rolling, rolling   And you can't walk right   'Cause things aren't what they were   Your ankles are swollen, swollen, swollen      Nan, you're a window shopper   Taking a look   But you never buy   Nan, you're a window shopper   You won't pick it up   If it's over a fiver   Nan, you're a window shopper   Get on the bus   'Cause you still can't drive   Nan, you're a window shopper   Mad as fuck   Only just alive      You're walking down the post office   To pick up your pension   And then you're off to bingo   Has become an obsession   So weary of the kids who are wearing their hoods up   And even if they smile at you   You think it's a stick-up   You only buy the paper   Just to cut out the coupons   You're saving 50p   But what do you want with tampons?   You're always at the doctor   Picking up your prescription and   They throw in some KY   Just to ease up the friction      You got a leak in   Your colostomy bag   Yeah, it's got a hole in, hole in, hole in   At the weekend   You're shopping with your trolley   It's sad, how you're rolling, rolling, rolling      Nan, you're a window shopper   Taking a look   But you never buy   Nan, you're a window shopper   You won't pick it up   If it's over a fiver   Nan, you're a window shopper   Get on the bus   'Cause you still can't drive   Nan, you're a window shopper   Mad as fuck   Only just alive