It's the last days   Jocks think pussIes are ash trays   and artsy-farts have more baggage than Samsonite   those ancient Hamptonites   They're always like, "I can't tonight"   and men who are too beautiful   are too dutiful with theip cuticles   Plus it's like talking to a carpeted cubicle   I was eating food when a dude pseudo-suitable said,      "My rap talk's   the back drop   from laptop   to blacktop   You certainly appear to be mightily stacked op   My iconoclastic rap schtick   gets my jimmy waxed like Chapstick   I think LL Cool J and Canibus are both fantastic   So-called experts   can't see how the text works   so they come through the textures   of italicized excerpts"      Believe me, it sucks   acting impressed   Plus the whole time he rhymed   he stared at my breasts   At best   he was neither ugly nor dumb   I guessed   I'd rearrange the boredom   and make it into bedroom   I said, "Let's go Max like Headroom"   We brought the ruckus like Red Grooms   on the couch where we made out   with my hand on his paunch   He invited me to march   in the Million Sperm Launch   The fun talk stopped   when we heard the front door unlock   His dad made such a Grand entrance, dude,   you'd think we'd need sunblock   At long last he walked past   and let out a calm blast of bombast   but before he could set down he briefcase   I said, "You're a quief-face   Go back to Boston"      When I want some, I get some   I'll wade through the flotsam and jetsam   'til I've met some smart hotties and caught 'em   My parents named me Autumn   but now I'm fricking awesome      Next I took the Express to 86th and Lex   flexed my Metrocard back in my wallet and   walked to the Metropolitan   The Great Hall   had hundreds of boys   straight out of "Eightball"   Wait, Paul   Barman was posted at his station   He said, "For students there's a $5 suggosted donation"   Our eyes met   It's nice to be hypnotized   by a man you don't despise yet   He had a type of flow   and I can't quite label it   All I know   it made me want to take off my cableknit   sweater, oh he better be hetero   I hope they don't catch us in   the Lila Acheson   Wallace Wing when Paulus brings   the mattress in--rudely   He Backlashed my booty   like I was Susan Faludi   over the Grace Rainey Rogers Room rostrum      When I want some, I get some   I'll wade through the flotsam and jetsam   'til I've met some hot smarties and caught 'em   My parents named me Autumn   but now I'm frigging awesome      If I want some, I get some   When I'm lost in the flotsam and jetsam   I'll draw some   L'acoste alligators chasing an opossum      I'm fricking awesome