Teacher calls me ding-a-ling   Policeman calls me ding-a-ling   Street-cleaner calls me ding-a-ling   Butcher, baker, and undertaker   All call me ding-a-ling      Tweaking moocow rumps   With all their lovely lumps   Is something that I do   Infinitely better than you      Ding-a-ling   A-ring-a-ding-dong-dandy   Sometimes amnesia   Would sure come in handy      Ding-a-ling morning   Ding-a-ling night   Just stay stupid   That's all right      Bluebirds the size of sugarcubes   Circle round my head   True I have to pay them   Before I go to bed      Why'd you bring the ding-a-ling?   All she wants to do is sing   Her ding-a-ling songs   All night long   All night long      Would you like a subscription to my diary?   Then when I merge with the infinite   You can impersonate me      Would you like a subscription to my diary?   Then when I kick the bucket   You can impersonate me      Ding-a-ling morning   Ding-a-ling night   Just stay stupid   That's all right