Every time I time I go to dinner   Seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner   I'll sit down at the breakfast table   I can talk, well, they're not able   When I look at them I find   There's a single question on their mind   I wish it could go back to the way it was   It's not easy now because...   My whole family thinks I'm gay   I guess it's always been that way   Maybe it's cause of the way that I walk   Makes them think I like...   Boys   That I like boys   The goddamn question just won't go away   And I get asked every single day   But they way they ask it   Is not in disguise   Like, "How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?"   This is the worst, baby,   This was my fear   Now their opinions are crystal clear   Because,   My whole family now is shocked   I'm in the closet and the door is locked   Now my glory days are gone   I was John Elway, now I'm Elton John   My whole family now suspects   Watching SpongeBob had side effects   I'm not gay and that's what I said   If I'm gay, hey god, strike me dead   *coughing fit*   That's weird   Just cause I'm on the cheerleading team   Or my birthday party had a broadway theme   When I go outside, what do I see?   That the clouds in the sky spell F-A-G   Because,   I think that god might think I'm gay   What does he know anyway?   My grandma gave me a present just last year   And the card said "Happy birthday, queer"   My whole family thinks I'm fab   There's a guy's butt, hey Bo, take a stab   Why doesn't he get women? There's no other way   It's cause I'm lanky, not cause I'm gay, all right?   Not cause I'm gay   Just cause I'm afraid of the snow   Or my favorite color is... The rainbow   I don't mean to yell, but I fear I must   Cause I'm losing the people that I thought I could trust   Because,   even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay   Just kidding!   You all probably think I'm gay   Man, this song is counter-productive   La la la la...   Because, my whole family thinks I'm gay   What do they know anyway?   You gotta look right through the haze   Easy-bake oven was just a phase   My whole family thinks I'm queer   That is all I ever hear   But I've been as straight as a ramp   If you don't count bible camp   Bible camp...   I'm not gay, I swear