My gradfather's cock was an itsy bitsy dicky   And it hardly took up any room at all   Had a head and a neck, but Jesus Christ by heck   You should've seen the size of granddad's balls      He had a horn on the morn of the day that he was born   And though it was erect you couldn't see   Cause my grandfather's cock was a pissy little pisser   But his clangers they were hanging to his knees      A tiny wee appendage (not a cock, not a cock)   An inch from end to end, it's (not a cock, not a cock)   Just a stump, short, like a tiny little wart   On the old man's nuts      Well my grandfather's cock was a huge motherfucker   And his pecker was a wrecker so they say   And you shoulda seen the head, you shoulda seen the neck   You should take me for a wrestle in the hay      Had a head like a steer, nothin' 'tween the fuckin' ears   You shoulda seen that god damn neck   Like a giant of a man with a pumpkin in his hands   Kept that pumpkin fuckin' pumpin' near to death      You shoulda seen that darn thing (what a cock, what a cock)   Rearin' like a Mustang (what a cock, what a cock)      It was wild, mean, coiled up in his jeans   Whoop-it-I-oh let her out and let her ride      Well my grandfather's cock was just average for an Aussie   Weighed I spose, thirty, fourty pounds   And overall his old fella was just a couple of inches   Just a couple of inches fron draggin' on the ground      Had a vein in its neck like a fuckin' opera singer   And a head like an old school bell   And a pair of leather knackers like a ringer's saddle bags   Picked up ribbons at the royal show as well      Fair dinkim mate, I kid you not (what a cock, what a cock)   Just an average Aussie cock (what a cock, what a cock)   And he still ploughs an acre every day   Crawlin' round on his hands and his knees