Holland is ruled by midgets   The Pope owns CBS   The subway cars have been equipped with bars   And they're cloning Rudolph Hess      Samantha Fox has gone frigid   The President's painted green   Jesus Christ has been frozen in ice   But he still makes the scene      Everybody wants to know what gives   But I know where the Tarantula lives      Jim Bakker got eaten by wombats   The Fever's spread to town   Ol' Doris Day has been taken away   Has anybody seen my downs?      Popeye got killed in combat   Donny and Marie went punk   B.F. Skinner has eaten my dinner   There's a body in that trunk      Everybody wants to know what gives   But I know where the Tarantula lives      Uncle Bob caught fire   The protesters are on strike   Mr. Green Jeans is acting obscene   'Cause his Jello has been spiked      Honesty is a liar   The truth is in the sink   Auntie Bess says "I must confess   Now what do you all think?"      Everybody wants to know what gives   But I know where the Tarantula lives   (x3)      (I know where)      Everybody wants to know what gives   But I know where the Tarantula lives