Woh oh, I want a new duck   One that won't try to bite   One that won't chew a hole in my socks   One that won't quack all night      I want a new duck   One with big webbed feet   One that knows how to wash my car   And keep his room real neat      One that won't raid the ice box   One that'll stay in shape   One that's never gonna try to migrate or escape   Or I'll tie him up with duct tape      I want a new duck   A mallard I think   One that won't make a mess of my house   Or build a nest in the bathroom sink      I want a new duck   One that won't steal a beer   One that won't stick his bill in my mail   One that knows the duck stops here      One that won't drive me crazy waddling all around   One who'll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown   And show me how to get down   How to get down, baby      Get it?   Quack, quack, quack, quack   Quack, quack, quack, quack      I want a new duck   Not a swan or a goose   Just a drake, I can dress real cute   Think I'm gonna name him Bruce      I want a new duck   Not a quail or an owl   One that won't molt too much   One that won't smell too foul      One that won't beg for breadcrumbs   Hangin' around all day   He'd better mind his manners   Better do just what I say   Or he's gonna be duck pate, duck pate, yah, yah      Quack, quack, quack, quack   Quack, quack, quack, quack