Now, let me tell you 'bout the school cafeteria   It's got all the others beat   It sells over four million burgers a year   Just think, that's almost two pounds of meat      My ice cream sandwich is lukewarm   But my burrito is much too cold   You know a school cafeteria is the only place   That sells artificially colored mold      You know a school cafeteria believes in mass production   They buy those lousy soy beans by the keg   I don't like to complain, but in a school cafeteria   You can buy a taco and get bubonic plague      Today in the school cafeteria   They introduced a brand new malt   It's called boysenberry dysentery   Please pass the salt      The tunafish sandwiches'll make you ill   The enchiladas are enough to kill   Before you eat, you'd better make out your will   In the school cafeteria today      After sixty-three years in the business   Our cook still hasn't got the knack   And all the food in the school cafeteria   Comes from care packages that were sent back      Feel your arteries growing hard   As you eat another healthy spoonful of lard      It's no wonder that the food is so gross   The health department is afraid to come close   So everybody better hold your nose   In the school cafeteria today      So listen very closely, all you girls and guys   Here's a little message to the wise   You'd better not try the chili surprise   In the school cafeteria today, oh yeah   In the school cafeteria today