Too much nosh & too much booze  He spent all night in the bog with the blues  An aching head, intoxicated  He didn't even know he was constipated    He forced & he frowned, he pushed & he stained  But on the toilet seat he remained  He let out a shout as he passed out  & his gut was rearranged    No walks in the park, no drinks, no grub  He can't embark on a trip to the pub  He sits in the dark, and says don't trouble me    [Counterpoint Chorus:]  No one sees he's a ruptured man  He can't sneeze like you normally can  They're all mean, they're all riff raff  He turns green when they make him laugh  Ernie had a. Ernie had a...  Hernia, a hernie  Ernie had a. Ernie had a...  Hernia, a hernie...  He had a hernia    He can't stand up, her can't lie flat  The torment in his tummy preventing that  He can't sit down, can't go anywhere  The devil in his belly proving too much to bear    He can't go out & he can't stay in  Oh what's it all about? He just can't win  No chance of a bath or to see the lavatory for him    Ernie had a...[guitar bit]    Ernie never smiles & he dare not grin  An aggravating abdomen wearing him thin  Ernie had a hernia but he did not give in    Ernia had a...    He had a hernia