Noel Coward was a charmer   As a writer he was Brahma   Velvet, jackets and pajamas   Had a gay divorce and other dramas      There ain't half been some clever bastards   (Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)   There ain't half been some clever bas-tards      Van Gogh did some eyeball pleasers   He must have been a pencil squeezer   He didn't do the Mona Lisa   That was an Italian geezer      There ain't half been some clever bastards   (Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)   There ain't half been some clever bas-tards      Einstein can't be classed as witless   He claimed atoms were the littlest   When you did a bit of splitting-em-ness   Frighten everybody shitless      There ain't half been some clever bastards   Probably got help from their mum   (Who had help from her mum)      There ain't half been some clever bastards   Now that we've had some   Let's hope that there's lots more to come      There ain't half been some clever bastards   (Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)   There ain't half been some clever bas-tards      Okey-dokey   Oh, Segovia   Da-laa la-laa da-daa da-lee   De dump di dump de dump-dump-diddle li-lee      There ain't half been some clever bastards   (Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)   There ain't half been some clever bastards   (Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)      There ain't half been some clever bastards   (Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)   There ain't half been some clever bastards