My last girlfriend didn't like me thought she might be    Most likely a dyke she just didn't excite me    Lefty? Yeah but that was alright    She was hotter than the sun but she just wasn't that bright    My mistake she was more flaky than a leper colony    I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company    Ass like a donkey actin' funky gave her L now she's a flunky    So my love for her died quicker than a batch of Sea Monkeys    Early bird gets the worm spread your legs or spread the word    So what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd    I'm white which goes with everything but I can come in any color    And I'm looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother    But it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy    And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussies?    Like 'em easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispie Treat gee    You know what I really want in a girl? Me       I need to find a new vagina    Any kind of new vagina    It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina    Calvin Klein kind of, North Carolina       Women are like dog doo hear me through don't interrupt    It's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick up    I'd fill the generation gap clean the cobwebs from her rafters    Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture    No age just ain't a gauge I like my girls like my cheese    Preferably for me fat-free American singles only    I want my next chick anorexic the winner is the thinner    Won't have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinner    Like Sizzler she got a beef we'll chew the fat    If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crap    Let her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed I don't play rough    No I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up    Just independent like NOFX smart like Janeane Garafolo    She'd use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know    Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System gee    You know what I really want in a girl? Me       I need to find a new vagina    Any kind of new vagina    It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina    Kevin Kline kind of, South Carolina       Vagina    Vagina    Vagina    Vagina    Vagina    Vagina    Vagina    Vagina