Alright now boys and girls, we've got another story for you now.    We want to introduce to you another friend of the Bible.       Hell yeah    Hell yeah    Hell yeah    Hell yeah       If I were God there would be no explicit sex on T.V.    Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea       If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols    And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible    Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a Speed 2    If I were God that's what I'd do heavens no       Hell yeah    Hell yeah    Hell yeah    Hell yeah       If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything    Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing       If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops    Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap    Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins thou shall not cut Footloose    If I were God that's what I'd do heavens no       Hell yeah    Hell yeah    Hell yeah    Hell yeah       And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross    I'll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off    He goes by the name Jesus and steals hubcaps from cars    Oh Jesus can I borrow your crowbar?    To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt    Crucified and all I got was this lousy T-shirt    I Can't Believe It's Not Butter I'll sing as I'm flogged    Yeah that's what I would do if I were God    So vote for me for Savior and you'll go to heaven    Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in Seven    With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick    You just can't teach an old God new tricks    But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem?    If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy?    Just sport some crummy holier than thou facade    Yeah that's what I would do if I were God