Kenesaw Mountain Landis was a bad mother fucker    He was seventeen feet tall, he had a hundred and fifty wives    He didn't do that much except he saved the game of baseball    He put two and two together and he noticed it was four    Now the treachery of Shoeless Joe can't hurt us anymore    And he'll always be remembered as Kenesaw Mountain Landis       Fellow named Joe Jackson was a fielder for the Black Sox    And he always wore his black socks, but he never wore no shoes    He weren't the nicest fellow and he had a couple problems    Cause he drank a lot and he beat his wife and he always acted rude    He killed and ate some babies and he copped an attitude    And the one man that he hated most was Kenesaw Mountain Landis       The mafia said Shoeless Joe    You should really run this show    You should be the guy who owns baseball    And all you really gotta do    Is help us make a buck or two    We'll bet on the other team    You'll lose the game but make it seem    Like nothing could be further from the truth       Shoeless Joe did what they said he dropped a couple fly balls    And he walked up to the pitcher and he poked him in the eye    And in the seventh inning with the Black Sox nearly beaten    There was someone who was watching from his blimp above the stands    Cradling a rifle in his thick and meaty hands    And as if you hadn't guessed yet it was Kenesaw Mountain Landis       Kenesaw said drop that glove    Or I swear by God above    I'll make you regret playing baseball    And Shoeless Joe looked up and saw    The silver rifle's gaping maw    And though no one had noticed yet    His underwear was getting wet    He peed himself in front of everyone       Shoeless Joe was finished but he couldn't quite admit it    So he raised his middle finger up above the other four    And Kenesaw took careful aim and fired a single bullet    And he shot that dirty finger off and he dropped his trusty gun    And everybody in the stands knew that he had won    And today they still refer to him as Kenesaw Mountain Landis       Shoeless Joe left baseball and because a famous pop star    And he asked the musical question is she really going out with him    He had a couple albums and a comeback in the 80's    But he never won a Grammy and he never was the same    And he never could be satisfied with critical acclaim    Cause the critics all confused him with the great Elvis Costello    Yes the critics all confused him with the great Elvis Costello