Well,um it's the holiday season   And Santas' been checkin' his list to see whos' been naughty or nice   And I'm kinda feelin' guilty   So I wrote a song      So many presents, so little time   Santa won't be coming    By my house this year   'Cause I tried to drown my sister   And I pierced my ear   Oh mama made it perfectly clear   Santa don't like bad boys   Especially Jewish ones      Skanif-kanof and Lego blocks    Are what I desire   So, why'd I have to set    The pizza guy's hair on fire   I told him I was sorry, I'm a liar   So, no toys for me      I don't deserve 'em   I couldn't wait for a big wheel   As the holiday neared   But then I told my grandma   That she had a beard      (speaking) Dear Santa,    I know what my problem is   Why I can't be good   It's a fear of intimacy    You see, my whole life   Whenever I've met someone    really great like you and,    I keep feeling    I'm getting too close to them   Something inside me   Makes me want to screw it up   So in a weird way   The reason I'm so bad is because    I love you so much Santa      Rock 'em, Sock 'em robots   Is what I was hopin' for   But then I made a death threat   To Vice President Gore   Oh Santa won't be knockin' on my door   'Cause he's a big fat whore   What made me say that!?      Chutes and Ladders   Would be so good indeed   So why's I have to sell    That cop a bag of weed      So Santa please give me   My Easy Bake Oven   I swear I thought Billy goats   Were made for lovin'      So Santa won't you   Accept my appoligies   Santa can't you see   I'm beggin' you please   Oh Santa, next year   I'll do you right   Live from New York   It's Saturday Night