When I was just a little wee lad   I hopped on the lap of my dear old dad   Something jumped and poked me good   'That' he said 'just me morning wood'   A little tin soldier's marchin by   Sergeant major unzips his fly   Pulls his weapon from his camouflage pants   Slaps away til it starts to dance      A shootin star's above my bed   Changin colors of my mushroom head   A rainbow jizz flys across the room   Little white spermies meet their doom      (Ah!) The amazing Willy Wanker!   (Aaaah!) The amazing Willy Wanker!   And my scrotum sack he says   Lalalalalala, tickle me!      Little green men from outer space   Here to exterminate the human race   Drop their ray guns and retreat to their ships   When marshmallow sauce squirts from me tip   Like a knight of olden Camelot   The goo takes off like an arrow shot   Gwynevere drops to her knees and begs   For the spittin dragon between me legs      I'm using my thing for what it's for   Gentle knock upon me door   Mumsy drops her cup of tea   When she sees my wank standing tall and free      (Ah!) The one and only Willy Wanker!   (Aaaaah!) Here comes Willy Wanker!   And my marble sack he says   Lalalalalala, tickle me!      Rasberry scones and marmalade!   Squeezing my squid in the evening shine!   Visions of mermaids in the sky!   Shooting my load in me own left eye!      Gramps was a hero in the first World War   But he ain't got no dick no more   Comes home smokin from the corner pub   Makes poor old Gramsy kiss his nub   The world spins around like a big bass drum   Nanny pops a pinkie in the generals bum   The Irish dance and the Scotsmem howl   Time to clean up with the washroom towel      (Ah, yeah!) It's only Willy Wanker, yeah!   (Ah!) The lonely Willy Wanker!    And my wrinkled sack he says   Lalalalalala, tickle me!