It's the most frightening thing in the world    It's the scariest sight I've ever seen    The most chilling visual    The most terrifying scene    It's awful, it's crappy, it's monstrous, it's bad       It's really really huge    It's a fat man in a Speedo    I'm walking on a beach in a tropical isle    Hoping to enjoy the sand and surf    When I see a mound of baby-oiled flesh    Rolling and a broiling in the foam       The only thing that's holding this    Explosion of Caucasian is    A tiny red synthetic coloured thread    I try to sink it in the sand       And entomb it in a castle but    It always manages to break free    The fat man in a Speedo    I'm having nightmares       I'm scared to open my eyes    I try to free myself    By going to the buffet    But there he is       He even eats in his Speedo    I take up a collection at the bar the next day    And everybody gives to the cause    To rent a helicopter that will take this whale       To Cuba and free the horizon from his bulk    We have a celebration    In one of his indentations    And throw a bowl of jello in the air       We think we've escaped and our scenery is clear    But in comes a plane from Germany    Thirty fat German men wearing Speedos!