Our Danny boy   He was a ladies man   Our Danny boy   Oh yes he had a plan   To find the perfect bird   And no he didn’t mind if he had to try a few along the way   Oh no he didn’t mind      He’d cruise around   The bars and clubs in town   He’d scout the birds   He’d look ‘em up and down   He’d take his charm and then he’d switch it on   He knew which buttons he had to press it didn’t involve no web address      She might look good yeah   She might look nice   She might have the perfect form   But will you still want to squeeze those cheeks when she’s 34?      Extremely literate   you know in FHM   From nuts to loaded   He studies all of them   But he doesn’t go near no not the top shelf   Cause bringing classy birds back to his flat don’t wana see no filth      Like a young Michael Caine   Alfie’s the character   Or perhaps a bit more tough, like in “Get Carter”      He’ll pull the women in   And then he'll spit them out   Unless she’s got a chest   Like Kelly Brook or Angelina’s pout      She might look good yeah   She might look nice   She might get inside your head   But will she still be your Angelina Jolie when she farts in bed?      Now he’s found the perfect looking bird   They’ve moved in it’s 6 months on   She’s got the body of a celebrity   Lying by him in a thong   He thought his plan was flawless   He thought he’d had it figured out   But after 6 months living with this chick she’s turned into a lout      Because she snores she farts yeah she burps then laughs   She leaves her toenail clippings in the bath      And our Danny boy’s thoughts confirm that she won’t even be his other half