The boss isn't looking   So I use my screen   For browsing an online music magazine      And there I see a thing   That I can't believe   There are still band logos made with Ogilvie      'Cause me      I'm something of a typeface connoisseur   I eat chicken wing dings with my font du jour (tofu chicken)   And I can spot your shitty fonts like a cheap toupee   And still blow you away   With my Arial display      And when it comes to fonts   I annihilate   And when I print my fonts   I always collate   Some are narrow and condensed   Others heavyweight   And I'm more gothic   Than any Copperplate      Hey, I've got that font   And a full directory of all the TrueType you could want   Hey, I've got that font   They used Alleycat to advertise that local restaurant   Hey, I've got that font   With bolds and italics from here to Vermont   Hey, I've got that font   Creepygirl and Rockwell, I'm a fuckin' font savant      There are so many fonts that I recognize   Zoom in all you want, they won't pixelize   'Cause I know the good shit from the replicas   I'll see you in Helvetica      And then a      Big fucking axe will cut off your hands   You used to be serif, but now you're sans   And I got plans to make that font   Used by Mickey D's   I'll trace it out with the blood   From where your hands used to be      I customized a font so each serif ends in a hook   But your custom font looks like gobbledygook   And that's not Eras Lite but Eras Medium that you mistook   And I'm more gothic   Than any Franklin Book      Hey, I've got that font   And a full directory of all the TrueType you could want   Hey, I've got that font   They used Alleycat to advertise that local restaurant   Hey, I've got that font   If there was a typeface army, then I'd be the commandant   Hey, I've got that font   I sell 'em to pay off my Mitsubishi Galant      Morpheus   Times New Roman   Ultraworld   Bookman Old Style   Garamond   Liquidism   Comic, Bloody, Impact      Verdana   Goudy Stout   Century Gothic, Bauhaus      Joystix   Buffy   Liquidism 2   Metal Lord   Courier New