If I go to Heaven it'll probably be a slum   And all the pretty angels just might be packing guns   And if I see St. Peter will he hit me up for cash   Will I find the road to Jesus or just lose him in the trash      The Shaggs were right   You're never going to please anybody   Not in this world      If I go to Hell I might find it very dull   Like an Amway convention or an endless shopping mall   When all the innocent demons want to poke me with a fork   Or just put me in a taxi and send me to New York      Scientists proved it years ago   The Shaggs were much better than the Beatles      Maybe I'll return as an iguana   And lie upon a beach down in the Bahamas      Although ignored in their day   The Shaggs are now recognised as the geniuses they were      I just wanna know what happens when you die   Do you walk down in a hole or float up to the sky   Is it just a waste of water, when your widow cries?      Oh don't tell me you've never heard of the Shaggs?      If the atheists are right then I have no need to worry   For there is no great being whose favour I must curry   And I'll be going nowhere once they lay me in the earth   So why waste a Sunday by going to church?      If you really wanted to   You could run out right now and buy a Shaggs record      If the atheists are wrong then I've got a bill that's due   So should I be a Christian or a Moslem or a Jew   Should I spend all day just praying on my knees   And searching through the world for a deity to please      A Shaggs record would be a sound investment      If the atheists are right then I have no need to worry   For there is no great being whose favour I must curry      The fat peoples want what the skinny peoples got   The skinny peoples want what the fat peoples got   But all I've ever wanted is what the Shaggs got   (???) and my pal, Foot Foot