Put on your yarmulke   Here comes Chanukah   Once again it's onaka   The miracle of Chanukah      Chanukah is the festival of lights   One day of presents, hell no, we get eight crazy nights   But if you still feel like the only kid in two without a Christmas tree   I guess my first two songs didn't do it for you, so here comes number three      Ross and Phoebe from Friends say the Chanukah blessing   So does Lenny's pal Squiggy and Will & Grace's Debra Messing   Melissa Gilbert and Michael Landon never mix meat with dairy   Maybe they shoulda called that show "Little Kosher House on the Prairie"   We got Jerry Lewis, Ben Stiller, and Jack Black   Tom Arnold converted to Judaism, but you guys can have him back      We may not get to kiss underneath the mistletoe   But we can do it all night long with Deuce Bigalow, I'm Jewish      Put on your yarmulke, here comes Chanukah      The guy in Willie Nelson's band who plays harmonica celebrates Chanukah      Osama bin Laden, not a big fan of the Jews   Well maybe that's 'cause he lost a figure skating match   to gold medalist Sarah Hughes, her mama's Jewish   Houdini and David Blaine escape straightjackets with such precision   But the one thing they could not get out of - their painful circumcisions      As for half-Jewish actors, Sean Penn is quite the great one   And Marlon Brando, not a Jew at all, but it looks to me like he ate one   Gwenyth Paltrow's half-Jewish, but a full time Oscar winner   Jennifer Conelly's half-Jewish too, and I'd like to put some more in her      There's Lou Reed, Perry Ferrell, Beck, and Paula Abdul   Joey Ramone invented punk rock music, but first came Hebrew School      Natalie Portmonika, it's time to celebrate Chanukah   I hope I get an abtronika, on this joyful, toyful Chanukah   So get a high colonika, and soil your Long Johnikas   If you really, really wannaka   Have a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah