My daughter needs a new phonograph   She wore out all the needles   Besides, I broke the old one in half   I hate the Beatles      She says they have a Liverpool beat   She says they used to play there   Four nice kids from offa the street   Why didn't they stay there?      What is all the screaming about?   Fainting and swooning   Sounds to me like their guitars   Could use a little tuning      The boys are from the British Empire   The British think they're keen   If that is what the British desire   God Save The Queen      No daughter of mine can push me around   In my house I'm the master   But when the British come into town   Gad, what a disaster      Little girls in sneakers and jeans   Destroyed the territory   'Twas like some of the gorier scenes   From West Side Story      Of course my daughter had to go there   The tickets are cheap, she hollers   I was able to pick up a pair   For forty-seven dollars      When the Beatles come on the stage   They scream and shriek and cheer them   Now I know why they're such a rage   It's impossible to hear them      Ringo is the one with the drum   The others all play with him   It shows you what a boy can become   Without a sense of rhythm      There's Beatle books and T-shirts and rings   And one thing and another   To buy my daughter all of these things   I had to sell her brother      Back in 1776   We fought the British then, folks   Parents of America   It's time to do it again, folks      When they come back, here's how we'll begin   We'll throw 'em in Boston harbor   But please, before we toss 'em all in   Let's take 'em to a barber