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I was watching my TV one night when they broke in with a special report
About some devastating earthquake in Peru
There were thirty thousand crushed to death, even more were buried alive
On the Richter scale it measured 8.2
And I said, "God, please answer me one question..."
"Why'd they have to interrupt The Simpsons just for this?"
What a drag, 'cause I was taping it and everything
And now I'll have to wait for the rerun to see the part of the show I missed

Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen? (Why)
Why does this always happen to me?

I was driving down the highway when all the traffic slowed to a crawl
There was a twelve-car pile-up, everybody dead
And I saw brains and guts and vital organs splattered everywhere
As well as my friend Robert's disembodied head
And I thought - Poor Rob, I just had lunch with him
Hey, wait a minute, he still owes me money - what a jerk
Well, there's five bucks that I'm never gonna see again
Plus now, on top of everything else, it looks like I'm gonna be late to work

Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen? (Why)
Why does this always happen to me?

Oh, the other day, my boss said we were running low on toner
And he told me I should buy another case
Well, I told him I was busy, but he still just kept on asking
So, I turned around and stabbed him in the face (right in the face)
Oh, and wouldn't you know it, my knife got stuck
I guess that's probably bound to happen now and then
But I'm afraid I may have bent the tip a little
And I know that blade will never ever be quite as sharp again (quite as sharp again)

Oh, tell me, why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen to me? (Why does this always happen to me?) Why does this always happen to me? (Why does this always happen to me?)
I was watching my TV one night when they broke in with a special report    About some devastating earthquake in Peru   There were thirty thousand crushed to death, even more were buried alive   On the Richter scale it measured 8.2   And I said, "God, please answer me one question..."    "Why'd they have to interrupt The Simpsons just for this?"   What a drag, 'cause I was taping it and everything    And now I'll have to wait for the rerun to see the part of the show I missed       Why does this always happen?    Why does this always happen to me?    Why does this always happen? (Why)    Why does this always happen to me?       I was driving down the highway when all the traffic slowed to a crawl    There was a twelve-car pile-up, everybody dead   And I saw brains and guts and vital organs splattered everywhere   As well as my friend Robert's disembodied head   And I thought - Poor Rob, I just had lunch with him    Hey, wait a minute, he still owes me money - what a jerk    Well, there's five bucks that I'm never gonna see again    Plus now, on top of everything else, it looks like I'm gonna be late to work       Why does this always happen?    Why does this always happen to me?    Why does this always happen? (Why)    Why does this always happen to me?       Oh, the other day, my boss said we were running low on toner    And he told me I should buy another case    Well, I told him I was busy, but he still just kept on asking    So, I turned around and stabbed him in the face (right in the face)    Oh, and wouldn't you know it, my knife got stuck   I guess that's probably bound to happen now and then   But I'm afraid I may have bent the tip a little    And I know that blade will never ever be quite as sharp again (quite as sharp again)       Oh, tell me, why does this always happen?    Why does this always happen to me?    Why does this always happen?    Why does this always happen to me?    Why does this always happen to me? (Why does this always happen to me?) Why does this always happen to me? (Why does this always happen to me?)