Look   If you had   One shot   To sit on your lazy butt   And watch all the TV you ever wanted   Until your brain turned to mush   Would you go for it?   Or just let it slip?   Yo      Remote is ready   Eyes wide, palms are sweaty   There's Flintstones on the TV already   Wilma 'n' Betty   No virgin to channel surfin'   And I'm HD-ready   So I flip   Garbage is all I'm getting      There's Simon Cowell   Who folks wanna disembowel   He opens his mouth   Always says something foul   They're dyin', wow   Wannabes are crying now   He votes them out   Time to throw in the towel      Shows based on reality   Oh, the humanity!   Oh, Ozzy's family   Sho' loves profanity   Whoa, the insanity   Oh, dogs that crap and pee   Home of depravity?   No, they live happily   Yo      Plus "Da Ali G Show"   And "Celebrity Mole"   Oh, and there's Anna Nicole   Well, she's scaring me      "Look ma, no cavities"   Oh, it's a station break   Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something      "You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV" They told me, they'd scold me   But I'd still tune in every show (show)   My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO   The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo)      "You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV"   They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off those music videos" (no)   I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO   The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo)   (You're gonna)      My butt is aching   As I watch NASCAR racing   That show about undertaking   Larry King   To "24" to "Law And Order"   The Weather Channel's boring like "60 Minutes"'s ancient reporters   Next up on "E! True Hollywood Story"   The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey      Shows for next fall, they've already been namin'   "CSI: Boise" and "Touched By An Uncle" both sound pretty lame 'n'   So does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond"   And "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minute   I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it      I'll move right on to "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter"   Then I bet   I watch "The Bachelorette"   Followed by "Welcome Back, Kotter"   And "The Muppet Show" where they go 'Mahna Mahna'      "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"   They told me, they'd scold me   But I'd still tune in every show (show)   My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO   The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime (yo)      "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"   They told me, cajoled me   But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow)   I'm looking at C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO   The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo)   (You're Gonna)      Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost In Space"   I've seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without A Trace"   But I only watched "Will And Grace" one time one day   Wish I hadn't 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay      Oh, and "Fear Factor" I watched maybe a half hour   After that, felt like I needed a long shower   Network execs with naked ambitions   "Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians"      Like to tie up those programming planners   Make 'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like "Scanners"   Leech-covered grub-eatin' fools on "Survivor"   Look there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider      And there's "Gilligan" and "SpongeBob", plus there's "MacGyver"   And Jay Leno has got Madonna, hey there's Luke Perry on a   Special all Pig-Latin episode of "Drew Carey"      Wanna turn on "E.T." 'cause I'm a gossip freak   And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week   A 30 second spot   Then we come back to "Are You Hot?"   I was planning on recording "The Sopranos"   I forgot      I love shows with or without a plot   I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot   Because I only have got   One brain to rot   I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot      "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"   They told me, they'd scold me   But I'd still tune in every show (show)   My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO   The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo)      "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"   They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show" (no)   I got it on C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO   The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo)   (You're gonna)      You can watch anything you want to, man