I starred in every high school play   Blew every drama teacher away   I graduated first in my class at Juilliard   Took every acting workshop I could   And I dreamed of Hollywood   While I read my Uta Hagen and studied the Bard      Hit the boards and paid my dues   And got phenomenal rave reviews   I knew the world was gonna love me, without a doubt   I was sure that Tarantino would be callin' me on the phone   Annie Leibovitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone   But the years have come and gone   And I'm sorry to say that's not the way that it's all worked out      I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride   Skipper Dan is the name   And I'm doin' 34 shows every day   And every time it's the same   Look at those hippos, they're wigglin' their ears   Just like they've done for the last 50 years   Now I'm laughin' at my own jokes but I'm cryin' inside   Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride      Oh, the critics, they used to say   I was the new Olivier   Thought I'd be the toast of Sundance or maybe Cannes   Aw, but don't bother tryin' to IMDB me   The only place you might possibly see me   Is ridin' my little boat around Adventureland   It ain't exactly what I planned      But I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride   Skipper Dan is the name   And I'm doin 34 shows every day   And every time it's the same   I would've killed if I'd been in "Speed The Plow"   But what's the difference, that's all behind me now   Cause I'm payin' the rent and I'm swallowin my pride   And I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride      I should be there on Broadway   Knockin' 'em dead in "12 Angry Men"   But instead I'm here tellin' these lame jokes   Again and again and again and again and again and again and again      Bengal Tigers can jump over 20 feet!   That's an African bull elephant...   And there it is, the backside of water!   What have I done with my life?!      I shoulda listened when my grandfather said   "Why don't you major in business instead?"   Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died   And I'll probably work forever as a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride   Skipper Dan is the name   And I'm doin' 34 shows every day   And every time it's the same   Look at those hippos, they're wigglin their ears   Somebody shoot me cause I'm bored to tears   Always said I'd be famous... I guess that I lied   Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride   I'm still workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride