Goodbye to all my friends I've known   And the travel agent I trusted.   I'm riding along on this beat-up old plane;   Look out the window. All the rivets are rusted.      As that ground crew pushes us backwards   On that rickety L-1011,   I'm feeling around for that flotation device,   And when the safety film is shown,   I'm payin' close attention.      Beat-up old jetliner,   Hope you got a tune-up today.   Ohhhh, beat-up old jetliner,   Did they sneak you past the FAA?      Bouncin' 'round in a thunder cloud,   Landing gear won't come down.   My seatback is up and my belt is on.   I see the fire crews sprayin' foam on the ground.      And if I get to my final destination,   I know the next flight will surely be free.   But I don't think I'll go back up   Into that piece of shit just to save a few pennies.      Beat-up old jetliner   Won't carry me too far today.   Ohhhh, give me a fresh airliner;   I don't care what I've got to pay.      Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.      Beat-up old jetliner,   Don't carry me too far today.   Ohhhh, beat-up old jetliner,   'Cause it's home that I'd rather stay.      Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.   I've just turned off the no-smokin' sign.   I figure, hell, if the plane's smokin' why shouldn't you.