You know a man does have to eat him somethin'      I love candy bars, eat them all the time   My combo meal's are super sized   And I crave the stuff they put inside those dang ding dongs      My cholesterol is off the chart   I keep a blood pressure cuff on my left arm   Doctor says that, ?My poor heart won't last too long?   My nickname in school was double wide   'Cause my momma fried      Now I weigh 270 somethin'   Always huffin' and puffin   Lay around the house all day   No wonder I can't lose no weight      See that pizza on the TV   Oh man' don't it look cheesy   You know they deliver here for nothin'   That's why I weigh 270 somethin'      My insurance said that they'd Co pay   I made the same appointment Carnie Wilson made   Plastic surgeon said he had a way to get those love handles off   He stapled and sucked stuff through a tube      I lost a hundred pounds in one afternoon   When I came to in the recovery room, wouldn't much left of me   When he removed the bandages from my thighs   I couldn't believe my eyes      Now I weigh 180 somethin'   Didn't have to do much of nothin'   I'm lookin' like Jean Claude Van Dame   To fit in a pair Mark Wills' pants      Now everyone who sees me   Can't believe that I'm so skinny   My body fat is nearly nothin'   Now that I weigh 180 somethin'      Now I date a model with a GED   But do you think she'd be with me   I wonder if I      Still weighed, 270 somethin'   Stuffin' down blueberry muffins   Onion rings and cans of SPAM   That's how I got so fat      Now everyone who sees me   Can't believe that I'm so skinny   I used to break a sweat just doin' nothin'   Back when I weighed 270 somethin'      Now I weigh 180 somethin'      Well it's probably like more like around 225-26   None of y'all's business how much I weigh