When I was a young man    I didn't like to dance    I was shy    I'd stand against the wall all night    I'd never take a chance    So afraid    I wouldn't get on that dance floor    Unless I was really drunk    10 shots       But I found a place where the stars hang out    And they taught me how to funk    Real nasty    It ain't too far away    It's just on the edge of town    Nearby    But be ready when you get there    'Cause these folks don't fuck around       You can    Rub your belly with Liza Minelli    Covered in jelly, you're gonna rub your belly    Jiggle your droopy balls with singin' Lou Rawis    Bounce off the walls, then jiggle them droopy balls    Grind your hips with the blond guy from CHIPS    Lick your lips    Stroke it clean with Martin Sheen    It's fucking obscense    Clench your ass-cheeks tight with sexy grandma Betty White    You'll see the light when your sphincter's tight       If you don't know how to move    Just feel the groove    And dance    Like you just shit your pants       Spin like a little girl    With cross-dressing Milton Berle    Just give it a whirl, pretend you're a little girl    Wave that juicy weeno with legendary Al Pacino    Wave your weeno, even more obsceno    Knock back a drink with Colonel Klink    Piss in the sink    Bounce your beef with Omar Sharif    What a relief    Ring the disco bell with ice cream wizard Tommy Carvel    Tommy Carvel gonna make your dink swell       Then spew all over the room    With Mr. Jeffry Goldblum    And dance    Like you just shit your pants       Mr. Belvedere    Fatty Fatty    Finger in his own rear    Bernard King    Basketball, basketball    Showing off his ding-a-ling    Swimming Mark Spitz    Moustache, moustache    Playing with his hairy tits       Big Earl Weaver, Tommy Seaver    Both of them got the boogie fever    Shit your pants    You can    Do the hustle with seven-footer Billy Russell    Do the fucking hustle, jerking your love muscle    Shake your big, round ass with the ghost of Mama Cass    Blast from the past, the ghost of Mama Cass    Dry-hump the floor with Mary Tyler-Moore    Pump it sore    Squeeze your nipple like baldy Mr. Whipple    Drink some Ripple    Give it a hearty whack with TV great Victor Tayback    When you give it a whack, don't hurt the nut-sack       So if the thought of grooving is bringing you down    Come to the funkiest place in town    The stars will show you how to move    And dance    Like you just shit your pants