I am a simple goat   I live on the back of a pick-up truck   The Old Man tied me here with a 3-foot rope   Am I happy he don't give a fuck   "Hey goat im going to beat your head in with a hickory stick"   Somtimes he uses his fists   He's filled with anger, and filled with rage      And tells me I smell like piss   His drink, Jimmy Bean   His chaser, a beer   After that, various alcohols   That's when the beatings get so severe      Asleep I pray he falls   But don't feel sorry for me   Things weren't always this bad   Why, when I was a young talking goat   The Old Man was just like my dad      I come from the hills of Europe   That's where I met the Old Man   He was lost in the woods, I gave him directions   He gave me a tuna can      Then he stopped in his tracks   And he said, "Hey Goat!   Would you like to live with me?   I've got a house with a pick-up truck   In a place across the sea"   I said, "Sure, why not, I've got no family   You seem like a nice guy"      So we went off to America   The home of apple pie   On the boat, the Old Man told me   I would be a present for his wife   "A talking goat!" he exclaimed,   "She'd never seen this in her life"   I felt so special!      Well, I just couldn't believe it   After all these years I finally had a friend   He trimmed my beard   He scraped my hooves   I prayed it would never end      But when we got to his house   There was no wife   Only a short, short letter   It said: "I'm leaving you for your brother   Because he fucks me better"   His eyes filled with tears of sadness   His heart was filled with grief      To soothe himself he drank a pint of Old Granddad   And beat me like a side of beef   I screamed, "Send me back to the hills of Europe!"   He just shook his head and said, "Nope!   No one will ever leave me again   To make sure, put on this 3-foot fucking rope."      Present day, I've been on the truck for 51 years   My only friend is the AM radio   Sometimes the neighborhood children stop by   But it's always rocks and beer bottles that they throw      At first they're excited to see a talking goat   They gather around to hear what I have to say   But I guess sometimes my stories go on too long   So they leave and giggle I need a bidet      But you know there was a night that I did get off the truck   When the Old Man was passed out drunk   Three neighborhood kids took me to a rock 'n roll concert   The kind of music, old-school funk   It was the first time I got off the truck   The music made me lose control      The lead singer asked if we were having fun   I said, "Fucking crank that rock 'n roll!"   The women at the show were beautiful   As they danced sexily on the soft grass   One of them even petted my fur   Fuck me in the goat-ass!      Then some long-haired guys grabbed me by the horns   And threw me in the mosh pit   They passed me around and treated me nice   Till I nerviously sprayed them with shit   Then the music stopped   And everything was quite   And all the rock 'n rollers started a fucking goat-riot      Kill the goat!   Kill the goat!   Kill the goat!   Kill the goat!      They chased me under the bleachers   They chased me onto the street   They chased me into an alley   And said I was a dead fucking goat meat   But then I saw a sight   That I never thought I'd see      The Old Man swinging his hickory stick   But he wasn't swinging at me   "Fuck you, pot-smoking turkeys!   Don't you press your luck!"      The long hairs ran away screaming   As I scrambled onto the truck   When we got home, the Old Man said,   "Goat, you broke the sacred law   No! Please! Sorry! Shit!   I'll let it go this time, but if you leave again   I'll break your fucking jaw!"   Super! Great! Okay!      "Thank you Old Man, for saving my life   Thank you again and again   You could have let them barbeque me,   But you acted like a friend"      "I'm not your friend, I don't even like you   I'm just not drunk," he said   To prove his point, he drank a bottle of grain alcohol   And beat the fucking shit out of my head.      That night a suffered a concusion deep inside my goat brain   I still cannot feel my tailbone   And Ill probaby never walk straight again      I guess you'd call me a scapegoat   A punching bag for the Old Man to mock   Just because his wife left him   For his brother's abnormally large cock      He could have been my buddy   But instead he's a crazy old fuck   And, once again, I go to sleep in my eternal home   The back of the pick-up truck      Goodnight, Old Man!   Yeah, goodnight Goat!