It's been one week since we got to see   Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry   Five days since they had the show   With the hermaphrodite, the slut and the crack ho   Three days since we heard the tale   About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male   Yesterday it occurred to me   That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer      Holy cow, did you see it last week?   Well, they had this one freak   Who suckered punched his whole family   Do you recall when the brawl became a total free-for-all   And Jerry's in the middle tryin' to be the referee      Hey, see the stripper with the implants   She likes to lap dance and date the boyfriend of her mother   Now here comes Jerry's next guest and it's a slugfest   'Cause it's her trailer trash brother      Nymphomaniac is back on crack   It's like 'When Animals Attack'   They all exhibit reprehensible behavior   Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes   Step on their toes, that's how it goes   They get so violent they have to sign a waiver      They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt and pointin' blame   On the air they don't care, they've got no shame   There was one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange   When he found out that his wife had a sex change   They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly   They have a history of ripping off their shirts      It's been one week since they had the fight   With the Siamese twins and the transvestite   Five days since that awful brawl   They still haven't got the blood off the wall   It's been three days since the bitter feud   Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude   Yesterday, finally dawned on me   I'm spendin' way too much time on that Jerry Springer      Baby, I've been sleepin' with your sister   Oh, which one?   All of 'em   Oh, well, I've been sleepin' with your best friend Jake   Yeah, well, well me too   Oh!   And I've sleepin' with your dog Woofie   Woofie, you bitch!   Well, I'm also sleepin' with your pet goat   That goat doesn't love you      Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin'   Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's droppin'   Jerry's the king of confrontation, he's a sensation   He puts the 'sin' in syndication      It's totally worthless, like a bad check, it's like a train wreck   Don't wanna stare but you can't look away   Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows but with more weirdos   The ratings jumpin' higher everyday      If you've seen the show, well, then you know   It's just as low as you can go   The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene   And pretty soon some ugly goon   Comes in the room and then it's 'boom'   In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen      Well, it's the kind of show where people scream obscenities   Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies   "Jerry, Jerry", now the crowd starts their favorite chant   Should I turn off my TV? I just can't   I have a tendency to watch it religiously   I have a history of taping each one      It's been one week since the show about   Psycho killers with problems they should work out   Five days since the big surprise, when   Some loser's wife said that she's still dating twenty guys   Three days since he interviewed a bunch of psychic   Porn star midgets who were all nude   Yesterday, it occurred to me   That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer      Tired of wastin' my time on that Jerry Springer   I've got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer   Come over here and pull on my finger